An Ode to Defined Benefit Plans

In this era of law after law, regulation after regulation, and standard upon standard that each do their best to place another nail in the coffin of US defined benefit plans, I thought it appropriate to pay tribute to them. Will they ironically go the way of Studebaker (if you don't get the connection, you don't know the genesis of ERISA)?

So, with apologies to Sir Elton John (né Reginald Dwight) and Bernie Taupin, and sung to the tune of "Rocket Man", I give you ...

DB Plan

They froze my plan last night, it bites

I got my notice 204(h)

And I'm going to need this plan some day

I miss the olden days, I miss my plan

It's tough with just 401(k)

In such a timeless life

And I'm gonna have to work a long, long time

Till retirement brings me around to find

I'm not the man without any loans

Oh no no no, I want a DB plan

DB plan, so that retirement can be my own

PPA ain't the law to save our plans

In fact, it didn't work

And FASB would have killed it if PPA didn't

All these regulations I don't understand

I'll just work five days a week

A DB plan-an-an-an-an, I need a DB plan

And I'm gonna have to work a long, long time

Till retirement brings me around to find

I'm not the man without any loans

Oh no no no, I want a DB plan

DB plan, so that retirement can be my own

...

Have a good weekend.